07-09-2014, 06:22 AM
In regards to fogglethorpe's version, I agree with the changes making it more clear. I would add and "and" to the start of the line
"how close they are"
Although I like the images you paint, I can extract little meaning from:
"My knotted stomach
heads from under
the Mediterranean summer;
again, frost covers
the edges of a window."
And maybe the last five lines.
Dale
"how close they are"
Although I like the images you paint, I can extract little meaning from:
"My knotted stomach
heads from under
the Mediterranean summer;
again, frost covers
the edges of a window."
And maybe the last five lines.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.