Plasticine

[ellajam]

Thanks again, Todd and QDS. Based on your comments this is my first rewrite. Still playing with it.

I remember a limousine,
and a girl singing
just flat enough to notice
a shyness not quite abandoned
behind darkened windows and drinks included.

I remember Plasticine,
a chorus of perfumes smudging,
and me kneading the chaos
into a form I could take with me,
through darkened windows and drinks included.

I remember a stolen dream,
and a sunrise outside a limousine
that slid in without remark;
a thief emboldened
by darkened windows and drinks included.

Hi, tiger, if you edit your original post and place your rewrite above it, labeling both, it makes it easier for people to make sure they critique the current edit.