Migraine Madness

[Todd]

Okay, nice initial edit. A couple minor points below:

Imagine an ice pick
to the core of the meat 
twist and yank
cracking temples in a vice grip

hammer through bone and gristle
take that sharpened fork
heated sear my tender neck 
claw it off my tightened shoulders

with dull saw my jaw ragged--I think you could cut the "with"
grind out each tooth
every nerve alive
sensitive flesh shivers--watch for those telling comments. Let the action convey not the modifier. I'd cut sensitive

mouth waters with contained spew
taste of rot and bananas --bananas are a nice sensory add
every little sound so deafening--I think this would be stronger if you cut so deafening
chews off my ears

is this what death feels like.
no. no.

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This hurts so much better!! Thank you for the idea of adding space. Like you can take a real breath before the heart beats another stanza of pain.

Just some thoughts.

Best,

Todd