05-22-2014, 07:49 AM
Hi, Jamb, sorry, for me you did not succeed in communicating your thoughts. I can't figure out what the "it" you keep talking about is. With only partial punctuation I can't figure out "it" belongs to the first or second line and I end up with nonsense. Maybe you can edit the poem to clarify it for the reader. Good luck with it.
(05-22-2014, 06:06 AM)Jambalaya Wrote:Alarm bells are ringing, it hears
Input should be moderated
Can't let it out again
Faces are amassing, it sees
Healthiness should be projected
Can't let it show again
Cars are running, it smells
Unhealthiness should be avoided
Can't let it shirk that again
It is in motion, it is deduced
Moving should be encouraged
Can't let it stifle again
The ground is vibrating, it feels
Speculation should be disregarded
Can't let it be fooled again
Large and coming fast, it knows
Fear should be ignored
Can't let it kill me again
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