02-13-2014, 05:12 AM
The difference between song lyrics and poetry, is poetry doesn't have the music to emotionally support it. Poetry can be lyrics, but lyrics cannot always be poetry. As I do not know the song, I can't tell how well it fits, but poetically I think it is problematic as it relies so much on the pattern of the music.
"Surrender
I give up no
surrender
I give up no
surrender I give up"
In this passage I can see where the emphasis would be musically, but in poetry it just comes across as repetitive. So that is the problem, what might work well as lyrics, may not work at all as poetry, and although I have written many songs myself and could critique lyrics, that is not why I'm on this site.
Dale
"Surrender
I give up no
surrender
I give up no
surrender I give up"
In this passage I can see where the emphasis would be musically, but in poetry it just comes across as repetitive. So that is the problem, what might work well as lyrics, may not work at all as poetry, and although I have written many songs myself and could critique lyrics, that is not why I'm on this site.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.