Just for a night-- edit 2

[billy]

don't take something down because no one got to it, i miss most of the stuff on here because it moves down the page too damn quickly,

now you have this JC try and remove any extraneous words
go over each line; can they be shortened, reword to remove excess.

if some one were reading this poem to you what would you think? look at the words as though they're not your own, would still understand them as well? that's what the reader sees, show the story, show the dream.

great to see you still editing.

edit 2 Thanks billy and Erthona

A FedEx bullet freefalls through through weakens this first line a suggestion would be to start the next line with it and remove [the]
the wispy noontime clouds
every second a gajillion miles closer think about wording an example would be; [a gajillion miles per second closer] though it goes through the brown paper bag of hyperbole and and comes out the other side looking like a batman script .
to the field littered with fresh gilded bales. don't go over board. a suggestion would be; [to the field of gilded bales.]
Two stand to watch, heads dropping
down in time. The plane hits the hay
in an screamless gold flash in a
spewing a fountain of crimson
wrapped gifts.

Morning talk show shouts intrude
she slams on snooze, shuts tight her lids
still seeing daddy in his checkered shirt,
with stretched buttons and worn down cuffs,
his hand shielding eyes from silent glare,

his heart still unattacked.

Dad’s dream twin chuckles
that the carnage smacks
of the lurid dreams she’s had
the past few months. He slowly shakes
his head and laughs, just as real
dad did when his jets crashed
sixty-seven days ago.

Dad’s dream twin chuckles,
the carnage smacks of her
recent lurid dreams.
His head shakes
as corporeal dad's shook
when his F-sixteen crashed
sixty-seven days ago.

the above is an example of what i mean JC, it's a suggestion (not a rewrite) name the type of jet, it's the only way i can explain what i mean, feel free to ignore it :J: