Age fright Edit 1.0 justcloudy, true, chris

[ChristopherSea]

Say what you wish, now we're alone
inside our common dread.
I will not speak to criticise, for time we squeeze
in touching hands must not slip free
to run like sands, through fingers bent
and swollen red.
I say so little anymore,
of consequence or worth,
since youth bowed out, exit stage left,
and credence left on cue,
this play has gone from bad to worse.

tectak
2012

Heavens to Murgatrod; exit stage left Snagglepus! If I wrote this, you might just beat me with the cliché stick! In all seriousness, there is a lot to like herein. The pun in the title, the sardonic wit throughout and some good lines. I especially like the opener. I did hit a small bump in the second line. However, I think with some alternate line breaks and punctuation it may be alright. I will restructure it as I read it below:

Say what you wish,
now we're alone
inside our common dread.
I will not speak to criticize,
for time we squeeze, in touching hands,
must not slip free to run like sands,
through fingers bent and swollen red.
I say so little anymore,
of consequence or worth,
since youth bowed out;
exit stage left,
and credence left on cue.

I want to stop here, although I see that you want to tie in the theater metaphor.

Maybe: This play has run its course. (to take advantage of the triple meaning, as in a disease running its course, the playing ending and life itself being over.)

See what you think. This is me loving it. /Chris