Vacancy
#8
(11-06-2013, 01:29 PM)Wjames Wrote:  In the end, I awake alone.
The emptiness of my king-sized bed
magnified by the unbridled moans
crashing out of the apartment next door.
Hi Wjames, you packed a lot into this, it delivers that feeling of melancholy when you wake up alone in an empty bed, then gets deeper from the sex next door. Not sure about crashing it doesn't seem to fit the softness of a moan, you could swap moan for groan and switch crashing for moaning. but just a suggestion. I enjoyed the moment you give the reader, thanks Keith

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Messages In This Thread
Vacancy - by Wjames - 11-06-2013, 01:29 PM
RE: Morning - by Graystar - 11-06-2013, 02:52 PM
RE: Morning - by Wjames - 11-07-2013, 02:50 AM
RE: Morning - by lainey - 11-06-2013, 03:06 PM
RE: Vacancy - by ThePinsir - 11-07-2013, 04:19 AM
RE: Vacancy - by Wjames - 11-08-2013, 01:15 PM
RE: Vacancy - by Nick - 11-07-2013, 05:57 AM
RE: Vacancy - by justcloudy - 11-07-2013, 06:30 AM
RE: Vacancy - by Keith - 11-07-2013, 07:16 AM
RE: Vacancy - by hollyw - 11-08-2013, 02:16 PM
RE: Vacancy - by SirBrendan - 11-08-2013, 05:24 PM
RE: Vacancy - by violetdarling - 11-09-2013, 11:48 PM



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