11-07-2013, 04:19 AM
(11-06-2013, 01:29 PM)Wjames Wrote: In the end, I awake alone. IMO, "I wake alone" would read better and have some sembelance of meter
The emptiness of my king-sized bed
magnified by the unbridled moans
crashing out of the apartment next door. maybe "crashing from" to get rid of some wordiness.
Very nice! Short and to the point, like I like 'em. Great title, too. The only thing I'm wondering...you started with "in the end". In the end of what?
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!