Sacrifice

[ChristopherSea]

Chris,
Aren't you clever! I like the addition of waxen tears. Good edit. Do you feel you still need "hot"?

Thanks Jenn, you could be right, I shall consider it on the next edit.

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tigr/jdier edit 1/version 2


Standing white
as a waif,
feminine, yet phallic,
the willowy virgin awaits
forfeiture’s pyre.

We seize
her pallid neck;
hold a lit match
to her face

and observe

her quivering shadows
scamper across the wall
and dart like tongues
over our nakedness.

She weeps hot waxen tears;
we secrete our liquefied spirits,
as pearly drops,
then watch her,


ever so slowly,


asphyxiate.


tigr/jdier edit 1/version 2 Thanks

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original

Sacrifice

Standing white
as a waif,
feminine, yet phallic,
the willowy virgin awaits
forfeiture’s pyre.

We garotte
her pallid neck;
hold a lit match
to her face

and observe

her quivering shadows
scamper across the wall
and dart like tongues
over our nakedness.

She weeps hot tears;
we secrete our liquefied spirits,
as pearly drops,
then watch her,


ever so slowly,


asphyxiate.

Wow - I definitely like version two better (esp the "we seize her pallid neck") as it really sets up the final line: very powerful. Great job!

Thank you for reading and enjoying Scatter./Chris