Sacrifice

[ChristopherSea]

tigr/jdier edit 1/version 2

Standing white
as a waif,
feminine, yet phallic,
the willowy virgin awaits
forfeiture’s pyre.

We sieze
her pallid neck;
hold a lit match
to her face

and observe

her quivering shadows
scamper across the wall
and dart like tongues
over our nakedness.

She weeps hot waxen tears;
we secrete our liquefied spirits,
as pearly drops,
then watch her,


ever so slowly,


asphyxiate.
[/quote]

tigr/jdier edit 1/version 2 Thanks!/Chris

-------------------------------

Standing white
as a waif,
feminine, yet phallic,
the willowy virgin awaits
forfeiture’s pyre.

We garrote
her pallid neck;
hold a lit match
to her face

and observe

her quivering shadows
scamper across the wall
and dart like tongues
over our nakedness.

She weeps hot tears;
we secrete our liquefied spirits,
as pearly drops,
then watch her,


ever so slowly,


asphyxiate.

---

Chris, after catching your response to Jenn, it seemed to me like I was taking you too literally. But I'm glad you got something from it anyways before I gave it the axe! As far as the waxen thing goes, I'm not sure. I'd say yes, only because it adds a dimension of complexity, and whatever sense you think "waxen" gives too easily away, there is another, perhaps deeper one that a different reading might betray.

No problem jd. In fact, the symbolism associated with your literal interpretation is relevant and food for thought during editing. I shall go with those wax tears. Thanks for reading this!/Chris