Sacrifice

[tigrflye]

Standing white
as a waif,
feminine, yet phallic, This penis image sets me up for questions later
the willowy virgin awaits
forfeiture’s pyre.

We garrote I wasn't familiar with this death device and had to look it up. I assume it is acceptable to use as a verb
her pallid neck;
hold a lit match
to her face

and observethis line by itself is good. -pause, suspense

her quivering shadows she has more than one shadow?
scamper across the wall
and dart like tongues
over our nakedness.quivering..tongues..nakedness.-started the wheels turning on my dirty-thoughts bus

She weeps hot tears;
we secrete our liquefied spirits,
as pearly drops,
then watch her,


ever so slowly,more well-timed suspense


asphyxiate.and a punch at the end.. followed by an immediate thought "ohh does he mean...?"

I'm trying desperately to find a meaning for the last 6 lines that doesn't set me up as a pervert. Liquefied spirits could mean alcohol. You had to be drunk to kill her, sweating pearly drops, and she was strangled by the garrote. But no, you're naked, the shadow tongues, and the "phallic" description earlier... I know what she asphyxiated on.
I think this was constructed very well and I'm sorry that I can't really find anything I would want to change. I'm equally disturbed and titillated. So thanks for that - Jenn