Depths

[Malu]

Depths

Death is my greatest fear,
Next to rejection from my peers.
I ingest my drug through my lungs,
My life passes by in black smoke.
Daily talk is just people speaking in tongues.
I'm so lonely I could choke,
My personality has submerged.
I'm being sucked down the black so deep,
I tried to breathe, I couldn't see, I urged,
I have no friends. I'm just a creep,
I imagine others like sheep.
Life is my greatest fear.

Critique it. Rate it. 1-10.

Not really sure how this would benefit since I am a novice as well, but I would give it a 6 with 10 being the best, just so we're on the same page haha. I think the first two lines could use some more visual details and then for the third to last and second to last lines, I can see where you are going with being a creep only seeing people as sheep, being the wolf just creeping on them, but then what about after, are you going to attack them? It would be kind of ironic if life is your greatest fear, but you are the wolf ending the lives of several sheep. So I'm just confused on that part and where you drew the line in that sense. But then again that's just me, hope this helps in any way!