Kinesics (Edit 1,5)

[btrudo]

Edit 1,5
Slight edit in S2. I hope it reads better now, otherwise please let me know.

I notice how you struggle to fire up any one
of your many worn out lighters,
flicking them rapidly when you're angry
and only this release can tame you.
I actually liked the 4/4s and 7/8s of the original, though at the same time, I'm not so sure the poem really uses them

This might read smoother like this:
I notice how you struggle to fire
your many worn out lighters,
flicking them incessantly when you're angry;
only this release can tame you.

I've learned what they mean:
the small tics around your dimples
which appear as you smile,
while you tell me one of your cellophane lies.
why cellophane?

I see the tremble on your dry lips,
twitches in the corners of your avoiding eyes,
when you halfheartedly bury your sadness
under cliches, or strained smooth-talking.
don't like the "or"

I watch you twirl across the floor,
I watch you twirl and twirl
I liked the repetition from the original, shows more motion to me
the motion lifting your skirt
just above your hips
and you float serenely towards me,
soothing my mind with your emerald eyes:
radiating affirmation of our silent unity.
the soothing and radiating appear to be clashing. I would be careful of overdoing -ing here. Of the two, I like the final line more, but close might be tighter:

and you float serenely towards me,
radiating affirmation of our unity.

...the whole action is wordless so silent doesn't appear to be needed