No One Knows Her

[billy]

hi luke,

don't force the end rhyme, if you have to force it then don't rhyme.
don't double up on phrases, they become redundancies, i bolded a few of them there are more. don't excess verbiage. i've underlined some of it.
not a bad effort

Cold and pale, she was lying there
Eyes to the sky, at nothing she stares
A spark that once flashed, gone, no longer aware
The muttering crowd talks about things that are fair

No more light, extinguished
Guesses of so many things unfinished
The good times to come now she would miss
No more dreams, all diminished

“But a better place she will find”
A tunnel and light away from her mind
Or a single flame will become her guide
To fiery eternity with her kind

For on that road she is a stranger
A block to the reality she now hinders
No one comes to find, no claims for her
But we pretend we all know this beautiful stranger