Wishing Waiting

[shepdog329]

Once I believed that faith,
the heavens handwork
that hangs my faith, my wonder,
is just the peak highpoint of some
agile remoteness to dangle across.

The routes that followed and fixed the skies
Fixed to curl about us like bowed arcs
That as the passing of dawns draws us
Maps or tracings of understanding
To see if from there we had missed something

And when it would bowl back, the dawn
We would believe that it went on forever
But as even the most furtive faith untold must falter
We could not tell that living this lesson once shone in skies
The east before the dawn, yet there were so many stars above

[Volaticus]

The punctuation is a mess: in some places you don't have any punctuation at all. Rather difficult to read, I stumbled in several places.

[ChristopherSea]

That first stanza needs an overhall. Did you mean, 'heaven's handiwork'? 'peak highpoint'- pick one! 'Fixed to curl about us like bowed arcs' is nice, but you precede it with 'fixed' and follow it with the nonsensical, 'that the passing of dawns draws us' with an implied period. Should there be a stop here, as Maps is capped? Put in periods, because you cap some lines, but don't others. I can't tell where things start and stop. Rework this and others will read it.

[lukeJones]

Once I believed that faith,
the heavens handwork
that hangs my faith, my wonder,
is just the peak highpoint of some
agile remoteness to dangle across.

The routes that followed and fixed the skies
Fixed to curl about us like bowed arcs
That as the passing of dawns draws us
Maps or tracings of understanding
To see if from there we had missed something

And when it would bowl back, the dawn
We would believe that it went on forever
But as even the most furtive faith untold must falter
We could not tell that living this lesson once shone in skies
The east before the dawn, yet there were so many stars above

When I read this I thought one of two things.

1) You are running before you walk and trying to overdo imagery and make the poem a set of cool sounding words instead of an overall piece.

2) That English is not your first language.

Let's be honest, either of those is completely fine. I run before I walk all the time, and at least you have images, the problem is that you have put them down in a muddled fashion.

It's an obstacle course of a poem and I kept tripping up. I don't hate this by any means, but any lines that I do enjoy are singular because the next or previous often doesn't tie in. So as individual lines there are some neat snapshots for me, if you could shape it together a bit better, who knows, there could be something cool in there.

[Expendable Youth.]

Once I believed that faith,
the heavens handwork
that hangs my faith, my wonder,
is just the peak highpoint of some
agile remoteness to dangle across.

The routes that followed and fixed the skies
Fixed to curl about us like bowed arcs
That as the passing of dawns draws us
Maps or tracings of understanding
To see if from there we had missed something

And when it would bowl back, the dawn
We would believe that it went on forever
But as even the most furtive faith untold must falter
We could not tell that living this lesson once shone in skies
The east before the dawn, yet there were so many stars above

Looking at the piece, without breaking it down I see that your punctuation needs tightening up. There's too many words, say as much as you can with as little as you can. You'll emphasis what you want the reader to experience, if you've done it for aesthetics, as in adding the unneeded words, don't.

Take Bukowski as an example, he doesn't use overcrowding stanzas with too much to interpret he leaves you with something concise, clear cut and straight to the point. It needs to have a hook as well, something interesting like an idea, or an interesting point, the ending to a Bukowski piece is a strong finish. It's suppose to leave a fiery aftertaste after a burning glass of Scotch.

All in, it wasn't bad, it was an interesting read. Thank you for that. I'd remember to sharpen your punctuation, have a more ordered sentence structure, (although your use of contemporary English gives you some wiggle room) I'd recommend reading some poetry not in contemporary English, and to familiarise yourself with how strict it can be, you'll find yourself writing in contemporary English far more fluently.