08-20-2013, 05:29 PM
a big improvement Louise.
for me the 1st stanza is much better. i'm with tom as to [the small tics...] i also like the edit elsewhere in the poem, specially the last stanza. i don't think it was me thinking the lighter flicker was a guy. i think the whole poem bar the last stanza is male oriented the last stanza instantly make the reader take stock of what they just read and force themselves to make it work....and it does work well. great edit.
for me the 1st stanza is much better. i'm with tom as to [the small tics...] i also like the edit elsewhere in the poem, specially the last stanza. i don't think it was me thinking the lighter flicker was a guy. i think the whole poem bar the last stanza is male oriented the last stanza instantly make the reader take stock of what they just read and force themselves to make it work....and it does work well. great edit.