Kinesics (Edit 1,5)

[billy]

hi Louise. seems i miss so many poems of late

straight off it feels a bit wordy (from the first line) that you notice is a given because you questioning the fact. the dash's aren't needed. not a lot if you do an edit louise. i think you tie the title to the poem pretty well. though i like the end, i do think it could be better expressed.
great effort,
thanks for the read.

I notice how you struggle to turn on any one is [i notice] needed?
of your many worn out lighters, i like the follow on line here.
clicking them unconsciously
in 4/4s - do these 2 line refer to a musical beat...for me neither of them add anything to the poem.
or 7/8s
when you're angry,
and only anger can tame you.

I see the vague tremble on your dry lips,
and the twitches is [and] needed
in the corners of your shiny eyes,
when you try to hide your sadness
under cliches, would bringing down [your sadness] to this line help the enjambment?
or stiff, smooth talking.

I've learned what they mean:
the small tics around your dimples
when they appear as you smile, is [when] needed?
telling me one of your little would [telling me] be stronger on it's own line than [white lies] a suggestion would be to move down to the next line [one of your little]
white lies.

I watch as you twirl and twirl around, no need for [as] or [around]
the motion lifting your skirt, me bad, i was looking at this as a female narrator which it still could be, it was wrong of me to presume.
just above your hips -
and you float
lightly across the floor, can one float heavily?
mirroring bright eyes
to illuminate mine. i like the end because it ties into the title