Kinesics (Edit 1,5)

[TheWall0912]

I notice how you struggle to turn on any one I really like this line a lot. It has a sexual appeal, the "turn on" does that for you. Really like it.
of your many worn out lighters,
clicking them unconsciously
in 4/4s - I think you could lose this line
or 7/8sand this one as well
when you're angry,
and only anger can tame you.

I see the vague tremble on your dry lips, I think you could lose vague, I don't think it adds much
and the twitches
in the corners of your shiny eyes,
when you try to hide your sadness
under cliches
or stiff, smooth talking. Using both stiff and smooth confuses me. Can something be both?

I've learned what they mean:
the small tics around your dimples
when they appear as you smile,
telling me one of your little I don't think you need a break here.
white lies.

I watch as you twirl and twirl around, I don't think using "twirl" twice is very effective, I would say "I watch as you twirl around" or even just "I watch you twirl around"
the motion lifting your skirt
just above your hips -
and you float
lightly across the floor, I think I would end the poem here. The last two lines do nothing for me.
mirroring bright eyes
to illuminate mine.

I think this is a great start. There is a lot of nice imagery here. I really enjoyed the read. My suggestions are just my opinions to be used or disregarded at will. Overall this is a great start. I am curious, just like tectak though. So, I will be waiting for your response to him. Doesn't change the poem at all though, whatever the meaning. I'll enjoy it either way.