08-08-2013, 06:46 PM
A fine opening line. I've no idea what is meant by 4/4, 7/8 in this context.
stiff, smooth talking - can speech be both stiff and smooth?
when they appear as you smile, - I'd suggest "which appear"
I watch as you twirl and twirl around, - no need for "as".
I was liking the first 3 verses. I found the last verse flat and disappointing, almost disconnected from the remainder.
stiff, smooth talking - can speech be both stiff and smooth?
when they appear as you smile, - I'd suggest "which appear"
I watch as you twirl and twirl around, - no need for "as".
I was liking the first 3 verses. I found the last verse flat and disappointing, almost disconnected from the remainder.
Before criticising a person try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise that person, you are a mile away.... and you have their shoes.