B-Road Boxing

[Keith]

Edit with comment from AR and AJ

A wagtail bobbed into my ring,
dancing on Mondeo's wing,
winded by cheap body shots,
featherweight on headlight hooks.

Judges couldn't mark their cards,
both parties went in really hard,
weight advantage nearly broke
the delicate body on the ropes.

Pied fighter rolled and hit the floor,
fledgling fans can't watch much more,
one arm flaps, a cut loose sail,
feathers fall, a thrown in tail.

Before the count car body lurches,
slams itself on tree lined hedges,
spits out soil twists and bounces,
bird limps away backward glances.




Original
A wagtail bobbed into my ring,
buffeted on mondeo's wing,
winded by cheap body shots,
steel wheels and headlight hooks.

Judges couldn't mark his card,
both parties went in really hard,
weight advantage nearly broke,
the delicate body on the ropes.

Pied fighter rolled and hit the floor,
fledgling fans can't watch much more,
one arm flaps, a cut loose sail,
feathers fall, a thrown in tail.

Before the count car body lurches,
slams itself on tree lined hedges,
spits out soil twists and bounces,
bird limps away backward glances.

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Hi tomh,
Once again proving that this site offers real benefits to contributors with the right attitude....oh, and skills!
A very good edit of a simple cameo. The rhyming is almost tantalisingly unpredictable but shows a robust and swashbuckling disregard for pedantry. You get away with this because of the confidence the piece exhibits...it is as though you are more than capable of winkling out the mot juste but just revel in the exhilaration of freedom of choice. Good for you...good for us all.
Best,
tectak

Many thanks tectak for your kind words, I agree the form and some of the rhymes are a bit off but it just scrapes the sides on the way in. I had to google mot juste and agree about workshopping, it defines the sit. TOMH