Nightly Ritual

[cotidiano]

I decided not to add much punctuation or capitalization, even though I normally go crazy with it. Not sure about the title. I wanted to capture as many sensory details as possible without falling into purple prose.


Nightly Ritual

ping pong of tennis balls against racquets--
a solid pop and a twangy boing back and forth
fence clashing as a shot flies outward
cicadas chattering rhythmically
coarse yellow fur of an old friend
warm air enveloping skin, embracing, invigorating
hands warming as blood pumps through veins
feet skidding across rusty concrete
dark orange marks like comets across a twinkling green sky
laughter.

[Wjames]

I decided not to add much punctuation or capitalization, even though I normally go crazy with it. Not sure about the title. I wanted to capture as many sensory details as possible without falling into purple prose.


Nightly Ritual

ping pong of tennis balls against racquets--

Good opener, I like the use of ping pong.

a solid pop and a twangy boing back and forth

It's hard to imagine what sound you're going for with "boing"

fence clashing as a shot flies outward

The unnatural fit of "back and forth fence clashing" sort of makes me cringe like I shot a tennis ball out of play - I like it.

cicadas chattering rhythmically
coarse yellow fur of an old friend

Nice imagery & alliteration here.

warm air enveloping skin, embracing, invigorating
hands warming as blood pumps through veins


Very good flow to match the moving descriptions.


feet skidding across rusty concrete
dark orange marks like comets across a twinkling green sky
laughter.

Nice ending, I like the way laughter just sort of echoes at the end. Leaves you feeling like you just played a great game of tennis.

Just sort of my thoughts as I read the piece. I liked it a lot, you had some great images and it flowed nicely for the most part. I don't dislike the title, but I do think you could think of a more interesting one.

[Vistaldust]

To me, each line would be outstanding description for a novelist to incorporate into a chapter in which the protagonist was watching a tennis match. Much life in the images.

[philoinlove]

I decided not to add much punctuation or capitalization, even though I normally go crazy with it. Not sure about the title. I wanted to capture as many sensory details as possible without falling into purple prose.


Nightly Ritual

ping pong of tennis balls against racquets--
a solid pop and a twangy boing back and forth
fence clashing as a shot flies outward
cicadas chattering rhythmically
coarse yellow fur of an old friend: This is very warm.
warm air enveloping skin, embracing, invigorating
hands warming as blood pumps through veins
feet skidding across rusty concrete
dark orange marks like comets across a twinkling green sky: Love this line. It sounds like you're describing a painting.
laughter. Very nice ending...Allows the reader to trail off gently.

[TheWall0912]

I decided not to add much punctuation or capitalization, even though I normally go crazy with it. Not sure about the title. I wanted to capture as many sensory details as possible without falling into purple prose.


Nightly Ritual

ping pong of tennis balls against racquets-- Really like this start
a solid pop and a twangy boing back and forth Not sure how I feel about twangy, to me a twang is more like the sound of a banjo or something. Maybe just leave it as "a solid pop back and forth" but that's just me
fence clashing as a shot flies outward
cicadas chattering rhythmically I really like that you added this line in there. Even though it isn't about the same thing as the rest of the lines I think it ties into the poem. Really like it.
coarse yellow fur of an old friend Are tennis balls really coarse? They feel soft to me...
warm air enveloping skin, embracing, invigorating
hands warming as blood pumps through veins
feet skidding across rusty concrete
dark orange marks like comets across a twinkling green sky
laughter. I really like this ending as well! It sums up the whole piece.

I am an avid tennis player and absolutely love the sport. I think this is a great poem! Some lines are a little iffy for me (ex: dark orange marks like comets across a twinkling green sky) but for the most part I really enjoy the piece.