Carousel Blues

Carousel Blues

milo

mmmmm, brandy

Posts: 1,279
Threads: 187
Joined: Dec 2016

#24

07-30-2013, 03:36 PM

(07-30-2013, 03:29 PM)newsclippings Wrote: Well I don't know what you actually think of this.

good point, it is in 'fun' so I usually don't really go the critique route, I only brought it up at all because that one spot gave me so much difficulty.

I think the poem is good. If it were in critique, I would make the one suggestion (switch to active voice) and then just comment that while your line breaks are fine, there are opportunities to build more tension with them.

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Messages In This Thread

Carousel Blues - by newsclippings - 07-01-2013, 12:05 PM

RE: Carousel Blues - by Brownlie - 07-01-2013, 01:02 PM

RE: Carousel Blues - by Bunx - 07-02-2013, 09:09 AM

RE: Carousel Blues - by Vistaldust - 07-02-2013, 09:34 AM

RE: Carousel Blues - by serge gurkski - 07-02-2013, 10:21 AM

RE: Carousel Blues - by Brownlie - 07-02-2013, 10:22 AM

RE: Carousel Blues - by newsclippings - 07-02-2013, 10:23 AM

RE: Carousel Blues - by Brownlie - 07-02-2013, 10:44 AM

RE: Carousel Blues - by newsclippings - 07-02-2013, 10:59 AM

RE: Carousel Blues - by serge gurkski - 07-02-2013, 12:09 PM