07-29-2013, 10:00 PM
(07-29-2013, 02:45 AM)Heslopian Wrote: A boarded-up building,I liked some lines, but I don't think this is your best work.
its boards defaced, This is the third poem I've read where the author uses the same word (or some derivation of it) in two consecutive lines. Knock it off or I'm going to call Nicki Minaj for copyright.
in an empty street laced with silence
at dusk.
What is so painfully beautiful about this,
as the sinking sun assures ancient times
that this time too will pass? What kind of question is this? I like the pictures in my head, I just don't understand the question you're posing.
The crudely drawn man on one of the boards, more boards?
beside some farce about reclaiming masculinity,
might as well be a chicken scratch on a cave wall, Perhaps you should remove "a" before "chicken scratch"
by an artist who soon, in the open, will die. Wut?
I want to cry, but won't. There's nothing to cry about. Time passes. Artists die. I don't really like how you added in "in the open" -- it's a kitschy scene if you ask me.
I'll be there in a minute.

