07-29-2013, 07:15 AM
(07-29-2013, 02:45 AM)Heslopian Wrote: A boarded-up building,I dont see a great deal wrong with it except the three lines I mentioned that just seem awkward to me in the poem.
its boards defaced,
boards is used twice in the first two lines.
Maybe "A boarded-up building, its plywood defaced"
in an empty street laced with silence
at dusk.
What is so painfully beautiful about this,
as the sinking sun assures ancient times
that this time too will pass?
not really getting these three lines, it just seems awkward.
The crudely drawn man on one of the boards,
beside some farce about reclaiming masculinity,
might as well be a chicken scratch on a cave wall,
chicken scratch has been used over and over, maybe another word?
by an artist who soon, in the open, will die.
I want to cry, but won't.
I once told this blond chick to screw in a light bulb..
She got naked and asked "how do I get in it?"
She got naked and asked "how do I get in it?"

