07-23-2013, 06:55 AM
(07-23-2013, 02:34 AM)cidermaid Wrote: Hi TOMHMany thanks AJ I hadn't noticed the bump and your spot on bounced didn't fit so have reworked and managed to work in AR suggestion. Also thanks for the kind words much appreciated. Keith
also really enjoyed reading this one.
The title had me confused before i read this but then after I thought it was just right and rather clever.
I am always surprised by your writing. You manage to take a fresh view and approach to so many of lifes hidden things and i particularly enjoy this aspect of your poems. Full of humour, full of reality and life always with a little twist or surprise tweak on how we view the world. Excellent.
(I like that the car does not come out so good from the fight).
Not much by way of thoughts to offer except the second line of S1 made me pause, but hard to put my finger on what it was. It could be the use of buffeted as a boxing term that is bothering me, I'm thinking perhaps the use of bounced.... but then you would need to pad out the rest of the line again. (and anyway I know nothing of boxing so perhaps buffeted is a better boxing term than bounced). It does not detract from the poem and i also liked AR's idea of the featherweight.
All the best AJ.
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out