Falling (another villanelle attempt)

[billy]

a great effort brownlie, the refrain [To catch the sun that dries a sodden birth.] feels forced and a little awkward. a suggestion if you use autm leaves would be something like.
the autumn leaves lay rusting in the earth
or rusting on the earth.

though even then i'm not sure it's any better.

thanks for the read.

It’s autumn, leaves are falling down to Earth very cliche
From branches slowly shedding organs meant
To catch the sun that dries a sodden birth.

In every day a morning dew with mirth
Like dawn will dry throughout with moistness spent.
It’s autumn, leaves are falling down to Earth.

Ephemeral, scenes will briefly blush a Dearth i struggled with this line,
Of dying color. Naked limbs are bent for me, this is the best line of the poem, it is a great image without any enforced poetics.
To catch the sun that dries a sodden birth.

The wooden steps that sit before the church
Have leafy blankets from the descent.
It’s autumn, leaves are falling down to Earth.

The leaves that crunch beneath go through rebirth
and turn to dust again in their descent. why the same word as a rhyme here
To catch the sun that dries a sodden birth.

As drying leaves that fell from trees the curse does it need a comma after trees?
Of fate will brittle bones when time is spent.
It’s autumn, leaves are falling down to Earth
To catch the sun that dries a sodden birth.