She *Trigger Warning: Self Harm and Emotional Abuse*

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Like Trueenigma, I think the emotion you put into it is great and it really shows through the whole time. The main thing to work on though is it is so long - but long when it could be more concise for impact.

When she was eight, you yelled at her
for not having proper etiquette.
She cried again,
and tried to be what you wanted.

When she was just ten and didn't get a part in the play
you yelled at her teacher.
(She didn't want the part anyway.)
Then, she was scared to go to school,
because she didn't want her teachers to yell at her too.

When she was twelve, she became depressed
because she thought she ugly and fat.
(maybe she was right)
You still yelled at her father
in front of her,
and she still cried at night when no one could see.

When she was thirteen,
all she remembers is you yelling,
and being pit against you two.
She would lock herself in the bathroom,
and cry until her eyes were red and dry;
thoughts of suicide and blades running 'round in her mind.

You have four stanzas there which don't really introduce anything new - four. Merge it into one, as it is on the same line of thought. Your writing is good, but there is so much of it - and I completely lost my focus after the 11th stanza or so. Keep working on it!