The One Who Kept Me Waiting

[billy]

hi papaj

the poem feels very wordy.

the 1st line says, I always waited for you, or you kept me waiting.

with that you have something to work with.
waiting like the hands of a broken watch

then; You wouldn’t accept my rebellious ways

waiting like the hands of a broken watch
not accepting my rebellious ways.
Night after night I would walk you back home

waiting like the hands of a broken watch
not accepting my rebellious ways.
I always walked you home

and from there you take it where ever you wish.

break the poem down remove what isn't needed.

With everything we’ve done we could probably date in Hell
But you know that I don’t want to wait that long

we could date in hell
but i wont wait that long

just use the meat of the poem, there are some goodies in the two lines above, that when pared back, can be revealed

I guess the point is that I don’t want this to end
And you very well know that we won’t be just friends
I need you beside me and I think that you know
I just want to hold you and never let go.

is too weak, the poem will be better for it if you can be brave enough to remove lines like this which are very cliche