I Lay

[milo]

Okay, after countless thoughts on the topic (and pulling my hair off), I'm still as unsure as ever, although, I would want to present my side of it.

First of all, I used alteration in this poem, and "I Lay" sounds nicer than "I Lie" as "lie" is often connected to "telling the untruth". More so, "I Lay" is more pleasing to the ears (as Heartafire stated, it is more "cute", for lack of better word).

You wouldn't be the first to use that rationale. "Lay Lady Lay" by Bob Dylan got away with it.

Also, about

"The sky was lonely as I/me, starless and dark" bit of a conflict of tense here

I always used "my friends and I" rather than "my friends and me", I'm not really sure if this applies though, so any clarifications please?.

Objective vs subjective.

Use "I" when you're the subject of the sentence, "me" when you're the object.

In this case "the sky" is the subject and you are the object.

("my friends and I" presents two subjects)

As far as the tense goes, it would work either way but should be consistent.

"The sky was as lonely as I" is correct. The confusion comes over the /inferred/ verb, a perfectly ok and common practice in poetry. It is clear that "I" is not the object of any verb so the reader assumes the verb "was" to follow making the inferred sentence "The sun was as lonely as I (was)" which is grammatically correct.

Bob Dylan was potentially offering a different suggestion to "lady" then lying down IYKWIM.

milo

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Okay, after countless thoughts on the topic (and pulling my hair off), I'm still as unsure as ever, although, I would want to present my side of it.

First of all, I used alteration in this poem, and "I Lay" sounds nicer than "I Lie" as "lie" is often connected to "telling the untruth". More so, "I Lay" is more pleasing to the ears (as Heartafire stated, it is more "cute", for lack of better word). Secondly, lie's, as an intransitive verb, past form is lay and past participle is lain. I do notice that there are a few shifts in tenses, but as I would like to call it, these are necessary ones to maintain not only, consistency but also, to emphasize how this is being narrated in more of the past.

Also, about

"The sky was lonely as I/me, starless and dark" bit of a conflict of tense here

I always used "my friends and I" rather than "my friends and me", I'm not really sure if this applies though, so any clarifications please?.

Please do not take this as I not accepting negative criticism, because I really appreciate everyone's feedback on this, but as merely, me trying to improve.
Hoping to get enlightened, Zero.

a possibly grammatically correct alternative:

There I lay, reminiscing all the moments,
I stared above and saw the night sky,
The sky was as lonely as I, starless and dark,
I lay, wondering, if somewhere across the globe, you thought the same thoughts.

I lay unmoving,
controlling the urge to give in,
All efforts to do so were futile,
Thinking of us, not knowing what to expect,
Left and betrayed by my courage,
emotion filled me, loneliness and sorrow also filled me.
After a single tear dropped, multitudes of others followed.

I lay, feeling the uselessness of my efforts,
All bravery and courage drained,
Robbed of my good judgement,
Any logical and reasonable train of thought abandoned,
Feeling helpless, meaningless, fruitless, abortive, pointless, purposeless and most of all incompetent.

I lay, as I've always have lain,
when my world was empty and you weren't there,
Now, that world embodies me again.
A world of full of darkness,
A world of a winding and never-ending road,
A world without you embodies me.

I lay, as darkness overshadowed me,
Emotions overlapping,
Despair creeping closer,
Finally, it was all over.

that at least fixes the grammar, the content is another matter . . .

milo