04-07-2013, 08:41 AM
I don't think that the final two lines of enjambment have the effect you desired. Combining 'In memory of' and 'Us' to me makes your piece flow better.
Not that I can speak about grammar, but I don't think your semi-colons are grammatically correct. You don't have two independent clauses on each side of the semi-colon which makes it incorrect.
But what I do love in this poem is your very vivid imagery and passion - that's made this poem good. Well done
Not that I can speak about grammar, but I don't think your semi-colons are grammatically correct. You don't have two independent clauses on each side of the semi-colon which makes it incorrect.
But what I do love in this poem is your very vivid imagery and passion - that's made this poem good. Well done
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)