03-25-2013, 12:15 PM
it seems the poem is getting a bit of bad press,
list poems are fine when done well. (the linespacing doesn't really help with such short lines.
you don't really need any of the Oh! mothers. or Oh! mother you are. may of them near the end if you really want one.
because it's a list poem, particularly about a mother, you need to be original. the 1st line doesn't convey much, what is a sweet name? if we loved our mum, nora would be a sweet name wouldn't it.
instead of telling us she's a sweet heart, show us how or why she's a sweet heart; mum would love the poem as it is, because you wrote it, imagine how much she'd love it if she saw herself clearly in the poem?
list poems are fine when done well. (the linespacing doesn't really help with such short lines.
you don't really need any of the Oh! mothers. or Oh! mother you are. may of them near the end if you really want one.
because it's a list poem, particularly about a mother, you need to be original. the 1st line doesn't convey much, what is a sweet name? if we loved our mum, nora would be a sweet name wouldn't it.
instead of telling us she's a sweet heart, show us how or why she's a sweet heart; mum would love the poem as it is, because you wrote it, imagine how much she'd love it if she saw herself clearly in the poem?
(03-24-2013, 03:09 PM)smjafrulhassan Wrote: Oh! mother
You are a sweet name.
Oh! mother
You are a sweet heart.
Oh! mother, you are
the life of baby.
Oh! mother,you are
My heart and hobby.
Oh! mother, you are
Always beauty and right.
Oh! mother,you are my
bright home light