03-25-2013, 07:51 AM
OK the bad news here is that this is a bad poem. The good news is; you wrote it. There is no poet anywhere, at any time, that didn't write a bad poem. Poetry is hard but the hardness is a reward. Keep trying. Read poetry, practice poetry, keep writing even if it doesn't make any sense and even if you are the only one who likes it. Bit by bit it will get better. There are spots here in the blog that will help you. http://pigpenpoetry.com/Forum-Poetry-Practice-Exercises