03-13-2013, 10:16 AM
(03-13-2013, 08:10 AM)Jamie Wrote: I read your book of longing
That is all it took
Like a fish I'm dying
On a rusty hook
I don't mean to hijack your craft here, but I would suggest a change to EITHER "I read your book of longing" OR "Like a fish I'm dying". Just my opinion that when you use a hard 'g' sound(longing) followed by a soft 'y' sound(dying) you lose the strength of your words and rhythm.
I'm sorry I just tried to come up with some suggestions or examples, but I couldn't come up with anything that wasn't awful[/i].
If I can breath I'm trying
Yes I want your look
It seems like I am lying
Stealing from your book