Where true love lies

[tectak]

Edit by seth on holding breath.

The lie is left in air that cries
for breath. The truth has long ago
deserted you and I. The lies
we told, we did not know
(or you would say, not realise)
would see us part and go
our seperate ways. How I surprise
myself. I never thought to show
my love, when from your eyes
warm heartfelt tears would flow.
I told you not to care; despise
me for my truths, and I'll forego
whatever joy is left to me. Lies
brought us to this long ago;
we hold our breath to see who dies
the first. It's always me and though
you smile, your heart denies
your every word; but even so
the lie is caught in all your sighs
and hangs there as I turn and go.
tectak
2013

Like this very much tectak, though it seems to me " for breath" should be included in the first line. I think this would flow better without " part and go" as you are stating that you are going your separate ways, perhaps redundant. Who dies first. Adore the ending. Thank you for sharing this beautiful love story,
my best,
Heart

Thanks for this, heart.
The devil got in me with this one. The rhyme scheme is dominant. I was trying very hard to do two things.Strict rhyme ( ABAB......ABAB) and as unforced as I could make it. The thing doesn't say much. I wanted to prove to myself that I could write linguine lines. I didn't enjoy it much.
You are right about the "part and go". I will try to change the line.
The "for breath" point is a bit harder to incorporate but you are solid observer so I take heed.
Thank you,
best,
tectak