Un-Maker

[billy]

great to see you left feedback elsewhere

PHP Code:

we have and indent feature [ind] or [ind][ind] etc that allows you to format 


i'me wondering if the beginning could come from somewhere else within the poem (mainly the first line) i'd suggest the 2nd line. had a hiccup with the 4th line but that could just be me. all in all i like it. i like how you took us on the journey to your way of dealing with life and the reality that we/you have a choice.

thanks for the read.

Impotent rage seethes beneath calloused flesh whose is the rage, yours?
[ind]He seeks to destroy me
[ind][ind]His army of slags
Almost, we have lost many times
[ind]Little deaths pile up
[ind][ind]Making corpses of feelings good metaphor here and above for straws on a camels back.
[ind]As hope grew distant, in discordia and despair
[ind][ind]Something awoke
Some memory of strength expand a little
[ind] No longer knight protector
[ind][ind]I am skeleton woman
[ind][ind][ind] Womb to tomb
I will lay his machinations bare
[ind]Without bloodshed or his sinful twisting i like the concept of war without violence
[ind][ind] And reawaken myself, my inner soul
[ind]Let him die alone
[ind][ind]A legacy of ash
[ind][ind][ind]Immortality beyond his reaching fingers
As our family grows in strength and number
[ind][ind]Numerous as the stars
[ind][ind][ind]Blossoming quietly
In the natural order
[ind]Love calls upon life
And there is power in abstinence
[ind]In the strength to deny baser urges
[ind][ind] Of chaos, corruption and war
[ind]There is calm in knowing
[ind][ind]I can say 'No'

This is the first poem I have written since high school. It came at a time in my life when I really felt the need to express myself in a different mode. Hope ya'll enjoy.