01-26-2013, 02:01 AM
I feel there's something very clever going on here! I read the preamble and believe it's likely to work as well to those who read it without the knowledge you impart.
What impressed me most was that the poem itself encouraged me to read it in a certain way... stiltingly at first but then more and more hurried as the end looms, as if N is in a rush to say all that must be said before he can say no more.
The second stanza is quite brilliant imo, likening the setting down and appearance of the words as part of the story. I do wonder tho if using a theatrical metaphor in the last line is distracting, might there be a more 'bookish' allusion?
My final observation is not really mine - just passing on feedback I've had - 'very' is apparently not a good word in poems, 'very, very' is at least twice as bad! (I didn't appreciate that advice either!)
What impressed me most was that the poem itself encouraged me to read it in a certain way... stiltingly at first but then more and more hurried as the end looms, as if N is in a rush to say all that must be said before he can say no more.
The second stanza is quite brilliant imo, likening the setting down and appearance of the words as part of the story. I do wonder tho if using a theatrical metaphor in the last line is distracting, might there be a more 'bookish' allusion?
My final observation is not really mine - just passing on feedback I've had - 'very' is apparently not a good word in poems, 'very, very' is at least twice as bad! (I didn't appreciate that advice either!)