01-09-2013, 12:23 PM
Welcome Koolguy!
"The paper mache youth" I like the anger undertone in this line and the image connecting a childhood activity to the youth
Overall, this poem has a hint of sarcasm (it especially shows up in the last line) and it's bitter. That is what I like about it, it's not hard to feel the emotions or the message from this and it just intensify in each line.
This is original through and through, my one nit is I don't think you need "the days don't come" that can be implied in the last two lines and it's not important (just my opinion).
"The paper mache youth" I like the anger undertone in this line and the image connecting a childhood activity to the youth
Overall, this poem has a hint of sarcasm (it especially shows up in the last line) and it's bitter. That is what I like about it, it's not hard to feel the emotions or the message from this and it just intensify in each line.
This is original through and through, my one nit is I don't think you need "the days don't come" that can be implied in the last two lines and it's not important (just my opinion).