Young and Spun

[destiny1313]

What happened to the days
when we were still having fun
when it was all for laughs
when this had just begun

life seemed so exciting
we were so young
nothing much to do
but hang out and get spun

never looking forward
each day was a journey
never slowing down to breathe
we never had a worry

smoking bud, scraping pipes
bumming cigarettes
cleaning the house spotless
lying with no regrets

everyday spent getting high
a moment never boring
days spent makeing plans and lists
night talks that last till morning

it seemed it always be like that
my home was getting high
i didn't see i was growing up
or opportunity passing by

when i finally took a look
it was plain to see
a feind and a junky
is what i had come to be

i said goodbye to hopes and dreams
it was already to late
with a tinge of sorrow
i accepted my tweeker fate

i still ponder how i got here
what defect makes me stay
if i'll ever be strong enough
to turn and run away

[koolguy1029]

It's a good start, and the poem asserts a very personal conflict/story, which always adds to the reading. However it didn't leave me with much to think about.

[billy]

smoking bud, scraping pipes
bumming cigarettes

these words carry some weight. and it's this feeling you need to incorporate throughout the poem if you can. once you get to that stage it becomes easier to manipulate great lines. it's boring i know, but cliche is a bad thing in 99.9% of use
your first 7 lines fall into this category.

i reasonable poem but in need of a overhaul
thanks for the read.

[destiny1313]

somehow I did not get the whole poem up there...edited it in

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somehow I did not get the whole poem up there...edited it in
Dang it! hope you re-look this so i can get some feedback on this portion as well.I'm finding it really helpful. Thank you