last call

[brandontoh]

Wow, this poem is really good! The biggest weakness is, as tectak didn't mention, the lack of punctuation. The lines go so well, and while reading it I can totally see the event happening. The first stanza, in my opinion, is pure gold. The feeling of anxiousness and maybe even desperation is shown very succinctly. The second stanza, however, feels weaker, mainly because of the lack of punctuation. A few strategically placed commas will serve to intensify the feeling that the reader gets. For example, the reader will get a different message from "stuck it slow" had it been "stuck. It. Slow" instead. I like how you separate the lines of the second stanza, which actually sort of overrides the lack of punctuation, since the lines spread the pauses out well. The last two stanzas are really beautifully done, too. All in all, I really liked this poem.