10-18-2012, 12:06 AM
Given that the content of the poem can be summed up in "dirty drunk sailor sex", I do like that you've taken the unifying liquid element and turned it into something rather pleasantly revolting. The double entendre with "flounder" is enjoyable as is the vivid image/double meaning of the "trawler's perfume" My only major criticism would be, if there is some deeper level upon which this is supposed to operate then it is not apparant to me. My quibbles would be with the word "wallowing" (for some reason doesn't seem to fit) and I don't quite understand what "hoisting the ensign" is (I can guess, but if I'm right then you've mixed your phallic metaphors and that just doesn't move me as much).