Divine Moments of Truth

[Philatone]

hello universal

i have a fair number of suggestions. See if any would work for you

Well, at least this is cheerful.

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Within this euphoric labyrinth I am lost,...the length of this line makes it clunky. "euphoric labyrinth" is a mouthful
wondering at the boundaries crossed,...I couldn't help wondering if this were supposed to the "wandering"; the preposition "at" doesn't feel right to me, but maybe that's just a language thing
peering through the broken looking glass,
as inside its jagged shards I pass,...not sure if this sentence needs to be inverted like it is. the rhyme feels forced because of it
filled with purest light beneath my skin,...."purest' usually has a "the" in front of it
while my own reflection shines within.

Watching the feathered rainbows swirl,...interesting image
as tricksy shadows play and twirl,
such are the patterns of my eyes, deceived,...again, the sentence is inverted to keep the rhyme
what bright imagination, fairy-child conceived
etching memories stitched in chemical vision,
a curious place only the mad envision....not the biggest fan of "vision...envision"

Every smile soothes as we are awoken,
empathy amplifies into love unspoken,...really liked the vowel sounds of this line
pleasantly we melt together, one being,
yet we don't feel trapped, instead it is freeing,
the shift of our world so subtle and delightful,
forget that truth can be twisted and spiteful....this bit is extremely abstract; there is little for a reader to relate to, hold, or imagine

Birch leaves rustle softly, sounding like rain, ...great image to start with; can you find a slightly stronger comparison than "like rain"?
casting dappled shades that soon shimmer again.
Wind from a hornet's wing beat astounds me,...need "beat"?
as wood smoke and ash transform all that I see.
We fill our cups with laughter, a grand toast to be made,
with only our love and our wild thought displayed.

my biggest suggestions are: try to avoid the passive voice (e.g. "The ball was thrown" is not as strong as "I throw the ball")

and, when making a rhyming poem, try not to sacrifice content just to make a rhyme. it hurts the piece and makes lines feel forced, contrived, and awkward to read.

good images interspersed throughout this