Surrender

[Blunt]

Surrender

You dont have my back
so much for friends
You forgot how to live
You've been dead since you did

surrender

I know youre blind
but I'm not deaf
Hitting the right notes
is the first fucking step

Surrender
I give up no
surrender
I give up no
surrender I give up

Your friendship was plain
You make me sick
Compare me to him?
Grow up its pathetic
You think you're tough?
We were supposed to be brothers
Have respect for my choices
Have fun playing covers

you surrendered
to the drugs that make you sick
you surrendered
you think it makes you different

This is meant to be lyrics to a song. Stop me if that's not the intent of a poetry forum, I just wanted to put it in context. I also put surrender in bold to make it more musical. It's sung in my head like Kieth Morris of Black Flag / OFF.

Thanks!

[Erthona]

The difference between song lyrics and poetry, is poetry doesn't have the music to emotionally support it. Poetry can be lyrics, but lyrics cannot always be poetry. As I do not know the song, I can't tell how well it fits, but poetically I think it is problematic as it relies so much on the pattern of the music.

"Surrender
I give up no
surrender
I give up no
surrender I give up"

In this passage I can see where the emphasis would be musically, but in poetry it just comes across as repetitive. So that is the problem, what might work well as lyrics, may not work at all as poetry, and although I have written many songs myself and could critique lyrics, that is not why I'm on this site.

Dale