Hummingbird
Writing on air
Gone

(12-18-2009, 08:57 PM)srijantje Wrote:  Hummingbird
Writing on air
Gone

i think don't think gone is needed. the first two lines work great as they are.
unless you could make an image of the word gone.
those two lines could be a good place to do a larger poem.
i like it.

how about
wiff of summer ?

you choose. it's your poem
but try ad make it work with the part you're keeping.
i wouldn't try and turn it into a haiku cos it works as a simple short poem.
(in my opinion )