Phallic barbershop pole,
standing like a night watchman
between the sea and green hillsides,
I have given you a name, a face,
the leathery stubble which nurses adore,
blue boiler suit worn like a red mark
upon the forehead,
and in place of the bulb blinking
on and off, yellow spotlight
across the grim stage, his voice,
that mangle, broken radio,
which waits for silence and then screeches
a tune. No ships are safe in his presence.

Hi Jack,

I'm not sure how I missed this. This is a book I've always meant to read. I know the gist of it but there's a possibility that I'll be missing some key allusions.

There are so many cool things going on in this poem. I feel though like I'm missing two out of every three like I'm skating over the ice and everything is happening underneath.

Here are my thoughts:

(10-27-2010, 09:34 PM)Heslopian Wrote:  Phallic barbershop pole,
standing like a night watchman
between the sea and green hillsides,--so we start out with a sexual image (which let's face it a lighthouse is) I like the way you write the demarcation in L3
I have given you a name, a face,
the leathery stubble which nurses adore,--Great personification. I love the added detail on this line
blue boiler suit worn like a red mark
upon the forehead,--Again excellent excellent lines. I love the personification of the blue boiler suit and worn like a red mark upon the forehead...that worn part might be one of the best in the poem
and in place of the bulb blinking
on and off, yellow spotlight
across the grim stage, his voice,--grim stage is great
that mangle, broken radio,--that mangle sounds a little off
which waits for silence and then screeches
a tune. No ships are safe in his presence.--solid ending it sounds like both what it is meant to represent and points to the observers view toward being "safe in his presence"

I'm sure I missed a lot but it was a good read.

Thanks,

Todd[/b]

Thanks so much for the kind feedback, Todd I knew the lighthouse was phallic, simply by how it was shaped, as you said, but I wasn't aware that Woolf meant it to be an actual motif until one of my teachers mentioned it; reading the book, I kind of felt a weird affinity with her regarding how she conveyed the father of the novel, as this always serious, aloof man prone to hurting other people without really being aware of it. You weren't fond of the mangle? I thought the line was a bit abrupt myself, kind of jarring the rhythm, but I think having just "broken radio," or even "that broken radio," would make the sentence much too short. Thanks again for the kind words

can't add anything to Todd's feed back. that mangle, broken radio didn't work flow wise for me either.

other than that i thought it was perfect jack.
there wasn't a part i didn't enjoy. it was so easy to read
thanks for the read as always.

i won't say;
"would 'that mangled, broken radio' work"

(11-02-2010, 10:17 AM)billy Wrote:  can't add anything to Todd's feed back. that mangle, broken radio didn't work flow wise for me either.

other than that i thought it was perfect jack.
there wasn't a part i didn't enjoy. it was so easy to read
thanks for the read as always.

i won't say;
"would 'that mangled, broken radio' work"

"Mangled, broken radio" sounds an interesting alternative, but as it has the same amount of syllables as the original line, would it really affect the rhythm? I think I'll do an edit though, just because I like that phrase.
Thanks for your kind feedback, Billy, it means a lot to me

Hi Jack - I like what you did to Virginia's lighthouse.

I'm with you in all the first seven lines, they're strong, punchy. The six that follow aren't quite up to the same standard, but I'm not sure if it's the 'mangle' line or some other.

Maybe its partly the change from the intimacy of ' ...given you a voice...' to the step back, into '... his voice ...'.

A fog horn, which is what I expect, doesn't sound like a 'screech'. Well, maybe a baritone screech.