It takes some courage
to walk the yellow brick road,
but more to walk back

(04-09-2025, 09:45 PM)poetry_zealot Wrote:  It takes some courage
to walk the yellow brick road,
but more to walk back

The simplicity here is disarming, but packs a punch because of all the baggage the film has picked up over the years.  I might replace "some" with "real" in the first line, but "some" leaves open the possibility that the courage is false... so stet.  If there were a way to insert a word into the third line, making "but more to walk it back," it would open up walking back a story or narrative.  But the wording is quite spare and you've already used "It" in the first line.  So, again, stet.

Well done.  No easy suggestion for a title - maybe something that invokes walking all the way back instead of just clicking witch-slippers?

(04-09-2025, 09:45 PM)poetry_zealot Wrote:  It takes some courage
to walk the yellow brick road,
but more to walk back

I quite like it. Its power lies in its  simplicity. I would not change anything.

Hello zealot-

It takes some courage
to walk the yellow brick road,
but more to walk back There is no juxaposition here, only a continuation of the previous sentence. That is not how senryu/haiku work.

The syllable count is not what the form is really about. A twist, a cut, or turn is needed in the final five. That's what makes this form so difficult, yet so interesting.

That said, it is good that you do not have a title, as this form does not usually use titles. You could use the first line for that purpose, though.

Respectfully,
Mark

(04-12-2025, 04:50 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  Hello zealot-

It takes some courage
to walk the yellow brick road,
but more to walk back  There is no juxaposition here, only a continuation of the previous sentence. That is not how senryu/haiku work.

The syllable count is not what the form is really about. A twist, a cut, or turn is needed in the final five.  That's what makes this form so difficult, yet so interesting.

That said, it is good that you do not have a title, as this form does not usually use titles. You could use the first line for that purpose, though.

Respectfully,
Mark

Thank you for your feedback and highlighting something I wasn't aware of. I will remember that before creating a new one.