Ink flows from barrels through tips, and is jettisoned onto a cellulose matrix.
The frame widens, revealing dots that mean nothing at first glance.
But when viewed with a certain kind of eye, or a certain kind of mind, they mean everything.


Money changes hands, words are whispered, deals struck.
Important choices are forfeit to satisfy urgent needs and immediate appetites.
Fingers are stained. The gunk will wash off, but the sin will not.


At the end of it all, a leader will emerge, and as always, people will doubt the process.
One knows that one has participated faithfully, but have the others as well?
One knows that he did not play a fool; this does not mean that the play was no farce.


Here's hoping that whoever gains the throne remembers...


In any given kingdom, the king sits below his crown.

(05-22-2010, 08:20 AM)wunderkind Wrote:  Ink flows from barrels through tips, and is jettisoned onto a cellulose matrix.
The frame widens, revealing dots that mean nothing at first glance.
But when viewed with a certain kind of eye, or a certain kind of mind, they mean everything.


Money changes hands, words are whispered, deals struck.
Important choices are forfeit to satisfy urgent needs and immediate appetites.
Fingers are stained. The gunk will wash off, but the sin will not.


At the end of it all, a leader will emerge, and as always, people will doubt the process.
One knows that one has participated faithfully, but have the others as well?
One knows that he did not play a fool; this does not mean that the play was no farce.


Here's hoping that whoever gains the throne remembers...


In any given kingdom, the king sits below his crown.

obviously about the elections.
for me it's well written though it could do with some line breaks
to make it less prose.

i like that the rant isn't a real rant, it's more of a hopeful rant, a questioning.

this line in particular made me think.

Fingers are stained. The gunk will wash off, but the sin will not.

has the ability in my opinion of becoming a better poem than the prose it is, with just a very small edit form wise. thanks for the reads WK.

(05-22-2010, 08:20 AM)wunderkind Wrote:  Ink flows from barrels through tips, and is jettisoned onto a cellulose matrix.
The frame widens, revealing you can even say "reveals and not "revealing"... it's a small way to shorten your wording, and not make the storytelling as prosey dots that mean nothing at first glance.
But when viewed with a certain kind of eye, or a certain kind of mind, You can do a lot to laterally get to the point of what you mean without having to handhold the reader directly. For instance, it's easy to shorten this: "dots that mean nothing, but in symmetry mean everything"... something like that. (You of course can do better) they mean everything. I think you can split each of these lines into (at least) two

Money changes hands, words are whispered, deals struck.
Important choices are forfeit to satisfy urgent needs and immediate appetites. Again, use imagery. Try to be lateral
Fingers are stained. The gunk will wash off, but the sin will not.


At the end of it all, a leader will emerge, and as always, people will doubt the process.
One knows that one has participated regarding "participated"... the words you use are always spot-on, carefully chosen for definition, but in this case because it sounds unwieldy for a poem maybe you can pick another one imo faithfully, but have the others as well?
One knows that he did not play a fool; this does not mean that the play was no farce. You can break up these lines


Here's hoping that whoever gains the throne remembers...


In any given kingdom, the king sits below his crown. This ending line is ace. I love it! It's up to your discretion, but for me you didn't need to separate this into another stanza

Thanks for this one