The Table Cat

Ginger's on the desk, curled
between our sound systems main speaker
and the wife's faux-leather handbag.

His tail-tip spasms and swings
like a horse hair fly swatter
but slower, felinely.

The rest of Tippitoe is corpse-like,
though there's a slight rise and fall
of a fat belly under marmalade fur.

Pink pads on his paws are slightly pinker
that the skin of a barbie doll
with claws like barbless fishing hooks.

My chair; scarred like a scratching post
is covered in an old coat, a light one
with a tattered hemline and slit wrists.

The closed eyes and flat head;
(it's pressed against the plastic)
belies his alertness,

When I lean over to look at him he opens
one bleary eye, I feel I'm being judged
like some irritating Jehovah's Witness.

(03-22-2019, 04:21 PM)billy Wrote:  The Table Cat

Ginger's on the desk, curled
between our sound systems main speaker
and the wife's faux-leather handbag.

His tail-tip spasms and swings
like a horse hair fly swatter
but slower, felinely.

The rest of Tippitoe is corpse-like,
though there's a slight rise and fall
of a fat belly under marmalade fur.

Pink pads on his paws are slightly pinker
that the skin of a barbie doll
with claws like barbless fishing hooks.

My chair; scarred like a scratching post
is covered in an old coat, a light one
with a tattered hemline and slit wrists.

The closed eyes and flat head;
(it's pressed against the plastic)
belies his alertness,

When I lean over to look at him he opens
one bleary eye, I feel I'm being judged
like some irritating Jehovah's Witness.

In mild critique, "sound systems" in L2 tweaked my consistency hobgoblin - shouldn't there be an apostrophe somewhere in "systems?"  The wife (also possessive) got one, after all.

Same with the cat's name:  is it "Ginger" or "Tippitoe?"  No doubt the individual in question answers to either, to the extent that a cat answers as opposed to deigning to take notice.

My only other firm critique is to suggest a semicolon in the second-to-last line (replacing the colon between "eye" and "I").

Many nice phrases - "belies his alertness" is nice.  So is "slit wrists" of the old coat.

Oh, alright, one more:  if Tippitoe is capitalized, why not Barbie™?

A pleasant domestic scene.

thanks duke, all worthy of using in the edit. [except the ginger tippito name thing.] i call him ginger everyone else calls him tippitoe. it's got to the point as you say when he ignores both names

(03-25-2019, 07:20 AM)dukealien Wrote:  

(03-22-2019, 04:21 PM)billy Wrote:  The Table Cat

Ginger's on the desk, curled
between our sound systems main speaker
and the wife's faux-leather handbag.

His tail-tip spasms and swings
like a horse hair fly swatter
but slower, felinely.

The rest of Tippitoe is corpse-like,
though there's a slight rise and fall
of a fat belly under marmalade fur.

Pink pads on his paws are slightly pinker
that the skin of a barbie doll
with claws like barbless fishing hooks.

My chair; scarred like a scratching post
is covered in an old coat, a light one
with a tattered hemline and slit wrists.

The closed eyes and flat head;
(it's pressed against the plastic)
belies his alertness,

When I lean over to look at him he opens
one bleary eye, I feel I'm being judged
like some irritating Jehovah's Witness.

In mild critique, "sound systems" in L2 tweaked my consistency hobgoblin - shouldn't there be an apostrophe somewhere in "systems?"  The wife (also possessive) got one, after all.

Same with the cat's name:  is it "Ginger" or "Tippitoe?"  No doubt the individual in question answers to either, to the extent that a cat answers as opposed to deigning to take notice.

My only other firm critique is to suggest a semicolon in the second-to-last line (replacing the colon between "eye" and "I").

Many nice phrases - "belies his alertness" is nice.  So is "slit wrists" of the old coat.

Oh, alright, one more:  if Tippitoe is capitalized, why not Barbie™?

A pleasant domestic scene.

(03-22-2019, 04:21 PM)billy Wrote:  The Table Cat

Ginger's on the desk, curled
between our sound systems main speaker
and the wife's faux-leather handbag.

His tail-tip spasms and swings
like a horse hair fly swatter
but slower, felinely. I don't like "felinely", doesn't sound right to me, maybe just "feline" could work.

The rest of Tippitoe is corpse-like,
though there's a slight rise and fall
of a fat belly under marmalade fur.

Pink pads on his paws are slightly pinker I don't think you need pink twice, I would cut the first word and start on Pads.
that the skin of a barbie doll
with claws like barbless fishing hooks.

My chair; scarred like a scratching post
is covered in an old coat, a light one
with a tattered hemline and slit wrists. This stanzas really strong.

The closed eyes and flat head;
(it's pressed against the plastic)
belies his alertness,

When I lean over to look at him he opens
one bleary eye, I feel I'm being judged Do you need "I feel"? I would cut it.
like some irritating Jehovah's Witness. I think you could use something stronger than "irritating". Maybe "door knocking"?

I enjoyed this, very unassuming and fun.

Hopefully my thoughts are of some use to you.