The Little Clockses


What a blessed time that was        Now they chime and hector us
when computers didn't set           proudly showing they have met
Daylight Saving on their own        expectations, each smart phone
and we had to do it for them,       falling, springing, not a problem.
who were only children learning     They must wonder at this churning
of our wide world and its ways.     fuss about the light of days.


               

A bit experimental

I think there's a lot of truth in this poem
but it also offers a banner of "I know
things pester you, so here's some balm."

chime and hector is wonderful

-nibbed

(12-03-2017, 11:49 AM)dukealien Wrote:                          The Little Clockses


What a blessed time that was        Now they chime and hector us
when computers didn't set           proudly showing they have met
Daylight Saving on their own        expectations, each smart phone
and we had to do it for them,       falling, springing, not a problem.
who were only children learning     They must wonder at this churning
of our wide world and its ways.     fuss about the light of days.


               

A bit experimental

I love the personification of clocks in this piece.  I enjoyed the perspective of the clocks as children, and how humans have raised them and taught them during their grammar stage how to behave and now they have progressed to the dialectic stage and begun to question the system and to wonder about it, trying to make sense of it.  (Soon they will move on to the rhetoric stage and begin to lecture us about their musings ...)

I like the side by side structure, though it was very confusing when I first read this on my phone because the verses were all in the wrong places.  But reading it again as it was meant to be seen, I must say I like the set up.

(12-07-2017, 07:35 AM)Quixilated Wrote:  ...


I like the side by side structure, though it was very confusing when I first read this on my phone because the verses were all in the wrong places.  But reading it again as it was meant to be seen, I must say I like the set up.

I see the problem with narrower screens now (when will the little clockses grow strong enough to forcefully twist themselves - our wrists with them - into landscape orientation for lines too long, recognizing poetry - or train us to do it on command?)  The 90-degree slant rhyme would probably work as well (or as poorly) with the second stanza below the first.  Getting it to (sort of) work was a silly project for a lazy afternoon; glad it doesn't come across as too affected.

Thanks to all for the reads.