It was not the brightest morning,
Not a day to play in the field,
You’re a bit sick, you’ll soon be healed,
Not to worry! just a warning.
 
Come to see you, all is so sad,
You wage your tail, yours eyes are bright,
Behind that spark I feel a fight,
Not to worry? I’m going mad.
 
You lay down, head in my hand,
Your velvet ear fits like a glove,
In one look can be so much love,
You’re so brave, should I take a stand?
 
I hate myself, still get a lick,
But stuck like a bear in a trap,
Tell you “Let’s take a little nap.”
And the vet played his dirty trick.

(10-12-2017, 07:43 PM)Huckleberry Wrote:  It was not the brightest morning,
Not a day to play in the field,
You’re a bit sick, you’ll soon be healed,
Not to worry! just a warning.
 
Come to see you, all is so sad,
You wage your tail, yours eyes are bright, should "wage" be "wag?"  See below...
Behind that spark I feel a fight,
Not to worry? I’m going mad.
 
You lay down, head in my hand,  strictly speaking, "lay" should be "lie" here, also one syllable short
Your velvet ear fits like a glove,
In one look can be so much love,
You’re so brave, should I take a stand? a little unclear here
 
I hate myself, still get a lick,
But stuck like a bear in a trap,
Tell you “Let’s take a little nap.”
And the vet played his dirty trick.

The story here is clear and affecting (nicely paced).  The rhyme scheme is neatly and accurately carried out.

Except for the line noted above, all have 8 syllables.  There is no established meter - which, in my experience, is unusual in a fully rhymed poem like this - but the natural rhythm of the lines when spoken fits the simple, developing theme.

My notes (above) on word usage are provisional:  "wage" rather than "wag" could be waging a battle for life, and "lay" would work in strict grammar if there were no comma in mid-line; using "lay" for "lie" (lay down a bone, lie down to rest) is common usage and fits this plain-spoken poem.  You might try "wag" and "lie," though, and see how they sound to you.

The line flagged as unclear caused me a little confusion:  what stand is suggested?  Bravely telling the dog it's about to be put to sleep instead of lying, or telling the vet not to do it?  Taking a stand (outside, not watching) didn't make sense to me, either, but I may be missing the intent here.

This is quite nice, the story develops well, and the varied rhythm makes it more conversational than lyrical.

One irrelevant note:  capitalizing the first word of each line, while (because?) traditional, is somewhat disapproved on this site except where grammatically required.  This seems to me less style than fashion, but you might try de-capitalizing this poem to see how it works for you.

I agree with dukealien - you may want to think about the "take a stand" part. Maybe you meant that you wanted to take a stand against the illness of your pet? 

Also, I am curious about what's trapping you, and why you brought in the bear metaphor. Do you feel like you yourself are actually similar to a bear in some way? Because I didn't get that sense in the rest of the poem. 

It's a sad ending, and it might be interesting not to stick with the rhyme there. Having the rhyme makes it feel a little like it's more cheerful than it's meant to be (to me). 

I think it's a sad story, pet death can be so tragic.

I get what you mean by taking a stand. It is on behalf of the dog against the inevitable.

Your poem conveys the story well. A lot of us have been there.

It was not the brightest morning,
Not a day to play in the field,
You’re a bit sick, you’ll soon be healed,
Not to worry! just a warning. Did you mean to leave the J as a lowercase?
 
Come to see you, all is so sad,
You wage your tail, yours eyes are bright,
Behind that spark I feel a fight,
Not to worry? I’m going mad.
 
You lay down, head in my hand,
Your velvet ear fits like a glove,
In one look can be so much love, I love this line, the idea is so beautiful
You’re so brave, should I take a stand?
 
I hate myself, still get a lick, This line is very relatable and adds depth to the poem
But stuck like a bear in a trap, What do you mean by a bear in a trap? Is this a common metaphor? If not consider replacing it with one that is more common. 
Tell you “Let’s take a little nap.”
And the vet played his dirty trick.

Great job!

This makes me think of my dog, Toby, who was my world, we climbed mountains together, he may have been small but he was big of heart, it was a very sad day when he left me.

A few little typo's but nothing drastic I would amend really.  Simple but with meaning.

(10-12-2017, 07:43 PM)Huckleberry Wrote:  It was not the brightest morning,
Not a day to play in the field,
You’re a bit sick, you’ll soon be healed,
Not to worry! just a warning.
 
Come to see you, all is so sad,
You wage your tail, yours eyes are bright,
Behind that spark I feel a fight,
Not to worry? I’m going mad.
 
You lay down, head in my hand,
Your velvet ear fits like a glove,
In one look can be so much love,
You’re so brave, should I take a stand?
 
I hate myself, still get a lick,
But stuck like a bear in a trap,
Tell you “Let’s take a little nap.”
And the vet played his dirty trick.

It was not the brightest morning,
Not a day to play in the field,
You’re a bit sick, you’ll soon be healed,
Not to worry! just a warning. Did you mean to leave the J as a lowercase?
 
Come to see you, all is so sad,
You wage your tail, yours eyes are bright,
Behind that spark I feel a fight,
Not to worry? I’m going mad.
 
You lay down, head in my hand,
Your velvet ear fits like a glove,
In one look can be so much love, I love this line, the idea is so beautiful
You’re so brave, should I take a stand?
 
I hate myself, still get a lick, This line is very relatable and adds depth to the poem
But stuck like a bear in a trap, What do you mean by a bear in a trap? Is this a common metaphor? If not consider replacing it with one that is more common. 
Tell you “Let’s take a little nap.”
And the vet played his dirty trick.

Great job!

Aw this is a sad poem.

I like how clearly you conveyed the story you wanted to tell. 

A lot of people in the thread don't like the bear in the trap line, but it's pretty clear to me what you meant by that. You're trapped in having to make this decision for your dog.

The "I hate myself, still get a lick" is a bit weird of a line. After a bit of thinking I realized it was your dog licking you, but the first thought I had was you were getting a lick of a whip. I guess you were trying to get the line to rhyme with "trick". Maybe try playing around with those two lines and see if you can convey the same idea with different words.

Pretty good though!

(10-12-2017, 07:43 PM)Huckleberry Wrote:  It was not the brightest morning,
Not a day to play in the field,
You’re a bit sick, you’ll soon be healed,
Not to worry! just a warning.
 
Come to see you, all is so sad,
You wage your tail, yours eyes are bright,
Behind that spark I feel a fight,
Not to worry? I’m going mad.
 
You lay down, head in my hand,
Your velvet ear fits like a glove,
In one look can be so much love,
You’re so brave, should I take a stand?
 
I hate myself, still get a lick,
But stuck like a bear in a trap,
Tell you “Let’s take a little nap.”
And the vet played his dirty trick.

HI Huckleberry,
This poem is beautiful.
I can feel your sadness, and how torn you are at having your loving dog put down because he was sick.
I can feel his ear in my own hand when I read L10.
I too wonder if "wage" is meant to be "Wag".  It's a bit distracting, but if "wage" is what you had in mind, it requires a bit deeper thinking on my part.

The last 3 lines say to me that you feel panic, fear, anger, regret or remorse about the decision.

Very well done.

Persadia
"Everything's a metaphor"

This is a really beautiful poem. The message was clear all throughout. I loved the rhyming pattern and it stayed effective the whole way through. The first verse was rather confusing at first but upon further reading it became clear. You very clearly convey the conflict the protagonist is having with themselves. Also in the second verse where it says "You wage your tail, yours eyes are bright," I would assume that "wage" was intended to in-fact be wag. Apart from that I also found some confusion within the "your eyes are bright". If the dog was sick then would it's eyes be bright? Later on I decided that this was there to play a part in the conflict.
Overall the techniques used in this poem all go together so well and you make it seem so effortless. You have much talent and I hope to see more of your writing in the future.

My sincere apologies to all who have commented; I ran into a little down-to-earth problem here when the owners of the house we rent told us they wanted to get back in ... and to get out; we are all resettled and I am ready for more (or less, whatever might be in the eyes of the owner) serious business.
There are some amazingly impressive and interesting comments here, and I hope to address all of them shortly.
I do realize it might sound like a lousy excuse, but it is truly what happened.
Bless all your hearts and a very Merry Christmas to all

A very sorry (but not naughty)
Huckleberry